Over the past two years or so, I’ve come to realise the significant impact of acceptance and how it can heal you and transform your life in many ways. We all know that acceptance is the final stage of grief – and grief is about so much more than death; although perhaps that’s another post for another day – but I wanted to share how accepting things has quite literally changed my life for the better.
We all have struggles. Life throws random curveballs at us that are hard to deal with. Some short term, others chronic. And when this happens, our natural instinct might be to fight, or even deny, these situations.
I would like to share 3 of my own examples that I’ve faced over these past 2 years:
I’ve previously written about my battle with a hair-pulling disorder called Trichotillomania. I struggled for about 13 years (15 now) and the harder I tried to resist it or convince myself I can stop, the worse it would get. I would wake up every morning and tell myself “I won’t pull today”, only to pull and feel like an utter failure and a disgrace.
So back in March 2020, I decided that something had to change. I clearly couldn’t overcome it on my own so I did some research and came across a local OCD specialist and booked the first appointment I could get.
The ultimate goal was for me to stop pulling my hair out. Although I wasn’t sure it would ever be achievable, I went in with an open and eager mind and can honestly say that I’ve been baffled by the results. With a lot of hard work (and a technique called Brief Strategic Therapy), after nearly 15 years of battling this disorder, I can now confidently say that overcoming it is indeed possible. I still have a little way to go, and recovery isn’t a straight line, but I’m much closer to my goal than I’ve ever been before and I’m excited and confident enough to share this with you, my dear readers. 😊
2. Needing a C-Section
Fast forward to September 2020, I discovered that I was pregnant which was a dream come true, and I would fantasise, as I always did, about having a natural birth – even though I tried to keep an open mind because I knew how hard it would be to accept if I ended up needing a C-Section for any reason. And despite my efforts, I was shattered when I was given a date for one after my son turned breech at 35 weeks and hadn’t turned back by 37 weeks. I tried every technique in the book; every stretch, every exercise, I asked for prayers, I’d “send thoughts” to my baby to turn around, and even looked into the option of having an External Cephalic Version (a procedure where the baby is externally rotated in the womb) however my Gynae didn’t offer it and explained all the risks that come with it.
I cried and felt anger, disappointment, and as hard as it is to say, I was a little resentful but kept reminding myself that my baby – nor I – had absolutely zero fault in this. But for a few days, I was miserable.
Then suddenly something clicked; I decided to accept it rather than fight it or try to change it. I researched and asked for information to be better prepared, and everything changed. All the negative feelings (except for fear, but that’s another story) completely disappeared. I can now say that I’m proud to be a C-Sec mama, I’m proud of my scar, and I’m proud of myself for getting through it all.
And for any pregnant women with a scheduled C-Section reading this, click here to check out my birth story video which tells you everything you need to know about having a C-Section in Malta
3. Experiencing Rage
Fast forward to motherhood. Exhaustion and severe sleep deprivation are hard enough to deal with, and sometimes, when my buttons are pushed, in comes the rage. I am not – and have ever been – a violent person, so when I first experienced this rage, I shocked myself. I thought myself a monster. I questioned who I am. My son, my husband, my dog – they deserve better than this, I thought.
I was filled with guilt and started wondering if I have anger management issues and became crippled with shame and self-doubt. And the harder I tried to fight it, suppress it, deny it… the angrier and more aggressive I’d become. Like a pressure cooker – without adequate venting, I would explode.
And once again, I decided to accept it. To face it, talk about it, research it, anZd find other ways to vent to avoid buildup. And sure enough, although it still happens from time to time, I manage it much better, and I’m no longer scared of it.
In all these scenarios, I realised that the harder I tried to go against what was happening, the harder it would hit. It would break me, consume me. And it wouldn’t seem to end. Like a pendulum, in a sense. It just keeps coming back.
But once I could accept, I could let go. Release the weight; relieve the pressure.
And when that happens… In comes confidence, self-love, self-trust, lightness, and happiness.
So, my friends, I wish to enlighten you today that if you are going through any hardships that you’re resisting or denying; trying to avoid the curveball that life is throwing at you right now… Maybe you could try to look it right in the eye, welcome it, get to know it and understand it. You might find that this will be the biggest step towards overcoming it, and coming out stronger. I know it’s easier said than done, and it doesn’t apply to every situation. So whatever it is that you’re struggling with, I wish you the best of luck, courage, and strength to get through it.
And of course, I encourage anyone to seek professional help – there is absolutely no shame in this, it is extremely beneficial, and there are plenty of services available that can help you get through whatever it is that you’re going through.
Have you had any similar experiences? Be sure to let me know – I love to hear from my readers! 🙂
If this post has moved you in any way, or you know someone who might benefit from reading it, please do share it along – and don’t forget to follow me on Facebook, Instagram, and my YouTube Channel for more updates.
Sending love and light to you all, and thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts.
Until next time,