It Can Be Cleaned Up…

I’m sitting outside right now, in our garden, watching my son playing with mud, biting my tongue with every splash and holding my breath as I see his hands dig in, fully immersing his sleeves in the mucky mixture of soil, weeds and water. I guess that summarises what this post is about pretty well…

I didn’t grow up with messy play. On the contrary, I grew up thinking ‘mess = bad’ and I have immense anxiety around it. I don’t fully know why – I only have one particular childhood memory involving mess which created some sense of trauma and I won’t go into that. But it’s enough to say that mess makes me incredibly anxious, and I am trying so hard to not pass that same anxiety on to my son.

He is not generally big on getting his hands dirty, it’s a sensory thing – so when he actually wants to, I try to let him go all in. Which – if you’re a recovering anti-mess-aholic like me, you’ll understand how insanely difficult it is. My heart is racing watching him simply have fun, and I hate it. I try not to let him see how much it affects me – although I’m pretty sure the pain is visible on my face. 😅

So I remind myself – almost as a mantra every few seconds as I feel myself cringing at the mess : it can be cleaned up.

So he’ll have a bath earlier that usual – he needed a bath anyway.

So I need to wash his clothes – they needed washing anyway.

So I have to wash the floor outside – it’s a good opportunity to clean it anyway.

So I need to rinse all the things he’s playing with – no harm in giving them a rinse anyway.

So he’s having a great time. He’s playing in nature. He’s focused, happy, calm. Not whining or asking for my attention every few seconds. Not throwing a tantrum. Not doing anything dangerous. Just calmly (though simultaneously chaotically) pouring, mixing, splashing, scooping; having so much fun with something so simple; water and soil.

And also, I am so grateful for the beautiful weather we had today, and for our wonderful outdoor space where we get to enjoy it and have fun together.

So I take a deep breath. And smile.

He’s asked me to join in – I’m not quite ready for that. But I hope someday I will be.

Because in all honesty, it looks like fun.

And it can all be cleaned up. 🤎

Side note: I will, however, be keeping such messy play for warmer weather when there are less clothes and layers involved, because cleaning up after today wrecked the bathroom and destroyed my back. Lesson learned. 🙈